The term "addiction" is used by Lunatics Anonymous in many contexts to describe an obsession, compulsion, or excessive physical dependence or psychological dependence, ...
www.en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Addiction

This is a serious questionaire about your drinking concerns. Ask yourself the following questions. Please be honest with your answers. There are about 85 questions. If you answer more than 50 questions with a YES, you DO NOT have a drinking problem. You have a reading problem because you are not being honest. You can retake the test any time you want. Like AA, we do not keep any records. That way AA can lie and mislead you about any stats it wants. Keep coming back. It doesn't work even if you work it. It is suggested that you print these pages so that you can check off each question and answer to make sure you get your count right.

• Do you lose arguments with inanimate objects?

• Do you have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth?
• Is your job interfering with your drinking?
• Does your doctor find traces of blood in your alcohol stream?
• Is your blood type JB+?
• Does the back of your head keep getting hit by the toilet seat?
• Do you sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group?
• Is 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence?
• Do you have two hands and just one mouth... - now THAT'S a drinking problem?
• Do they say "Norm!" when you enter the bar?
• Do you wake up and find your car totally covered with beer labels?
• Can you focus better with one eye closed?
• Does the parking lot seem to have moved while you were in the bar?
• Does every woman you see have an exact twin?
• Do you keep asking your wife "where are the kids?", but you don't really have a wife and you're talking to the refrigerator?
• Do you fall off the floor?
• Do you discover in the morning that liquid cleaning supplies have mysteriously disappeared?
• Did you name your twin sons Barley and Hops?
• Have you had "Spuds McKenzie" tattoo removed, replaced it with "Red Dog."
• Have you ever thought, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner?
• Is beer not just for breakfast anymore.
• Does the glass keep missing your mouth?
• Is Bill Clinton starting to make sense?
• Do they ask you when you go to donate blood what proof?
• Do vampires get woozy after biting you?
• Do you have to buy your drinks at bulk stores?
• Is the only drinking problem not having a drink right now?
• At AA meeting do you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..."
• Is your idea of cutting back less seltzer?
• Does dry heave vomiting become a relief?
• Are you having a hard time staying on the side walk - left, right, stumble, fall?
• Have you ever woke up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the front yard, you fell asleep clothed. - hmm.
• Do you think the Four Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, Alcohol, and Women?
• Do you think you're beginning to find your roommate's daughter more and more attractive?
• Have you ever said "hi ocifer. I'm not under the affluence of incohol?"
• Have you woke up with a traffic cone between your legs?
• Have you ever said "no ocifer, I'm not drunk... you're just sober"
• Do you drink, do you get drunk, do you fall down and say "No Problem?"
• When you're on a diet, doyou cut back your food calories to allow for alcohol calories?
• Have you ever said "take me drunk, I'm home?"
• Have you ever found the bottle's empty...that's the problem.
• Have you ever thought of yourself as the captain for the Exxon Valdez?
• Did you ever wake up naked lying in the corner of a bus depot?
• Do you think Roseanne looks good?
• Don't you recognize your wife unless seen through bottom of bottle.
• Do you drink to get over a hangover?
• Are you  the proud owner of a porcelain bus driver's license?
• Do you think the Whisky Ain't Working Anymore?
• Do Senators Kennedy and Packwood and Carlos Julio Arosemena shake their heads when they walk past you?
• Do you have a reserved parking space at the liquor store?
• Are you as jober as a sudge?
• Do you consider yourself a workaholic, because every time you go to work, you want to have a beer?
• Did you sleep with that damned fat lady from the Tiki bar again?
• Do mosquitoes spiral down to the ground in circles after biting you?
• Did you find yourself in a room on a train arriving in Tijuana and the last thing you remember is being in a Tiki bar in Florida?
• Do you think your name is Ted Kennedy?
• Did you ever wake up in Key Largo in August and the last thing you remember is the Fourth of July party at a Tiki bar on Big Pine Key? 
• Does red dog upside down looks like batman eating a catwoman?
• Have you ever fallen and you can't/(don't want to) get up?
• Do you don't drink. (That's a problem!)
• Do hangovers become an attractive alternative lifestyle?
• Do you say "BeerTender. Get me another Bar"
• Does Boris Yeltsin try to get you to join AA?
• Is the shrubbery drunk from frequent watering?
• Do you <your name> take this woman.....
• Do you wake up too groggy to start drinking?
• Have you shaved your head except for a little rat tail hanging from the top and you're pestering people to buy incense & crap?
• Are your only friends are Jack Daniels, Johnny Walker, and Jose Cuervo?
• Is your your double vision so much the norm, you can't function w/o it?
• Do you  listen to the radio and start dancing to Hootie and the Blowfish?
• Because you're not as think you are drunk I am...

• Do you think salt, sugar, grease, carbohydrates, .. - and yes, alcohol is the fifth food group?

• Does your favorite drink have a skull and two bones on the label?

• Why does everybody think I have a prinking droblem?! - I don't have a prinking droblem?

• Do you remember what your family looks like... or if you have a family?

• Have you woke up surrounded by 50 inmates?

• Do you read SPAM on your computer? 

• Do you get defensive when someone asks if you have drinking problem?

• Do you spend a whole night holding up walls to prevent their (your) collapse?

• Do you have a Booze themed homepage?

• Do you focus better with one eye closed?

                                        kanderbluff@yahoo.com