Lunatics anonymous knows that

"Life is sexually transmitted"

101 Things not to say During Sex

• But everyone looks funny naked!
• You woke me up for that?
• Did I mention the video camera?
• Do you smell something burning?
• (in a janitor's closet) And they say romance is dead.
• Try breathing though your nose.
• A little rug burn never hurt anybody
• Is that a Medic-Alert pendant?
• Sweetheart, did you lock the back door?
• But whipped cream makes me break out.
• Person 1..This is your first time right???  person 2 yeah...Tonight
• ( in the no-tell motel) Hurry up!!!  This room rents by the hour.
• Can you please pass me the remote control?
• Do you accept VISA?
• ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
• On second thought, lets turn the light out.
• And to think...I was really trying to pick up your friend!
• So much for mouth to mouth.
• (using body paints) Try not to leave any stains...Okay.
• Hope your as good looking when I'm sober!
• (holding a banana) Just a little trick I learned at the zoo.
• Do you get any premium movie channels?
• Try not to smear my make-up will ya?
• (preparing to use peanut butter sexually) But I just steamed cleaned this sofa!
• Got any penicillin?
• But I just brushed my teeth.
• Smile!...Your on Candid Camera.
• I thought YOU had the keys to the handcuffs!
• I WANT A BABY!
• So much for the fulfillment of sexual fantasies.
• (in a menage a trois) Why am I doing all the work?
• Maybe we should call Dr. Ruth.
• Did you know the ceiling needed painting?
• I think you have it on backwards.
• When is this suppose to feel good?
• Put that blender back in the kitchen where it belongs!
• You're good enough to do this for a living!
• Is that blood on the headboard?
• Did I remember to take my pill?
• Are you sure I don't know you for somewhere?
• I wish we got the Playboy Channel.
• That leak better be from the water bed!
• I told you it wouldn't work with out batteries.
• But my cat always sleeps on that pillow.
• Did I tell you my Aunt Martha Died in this bed?
• If you quit smoking, you might have more endurance....
• No, Really, ....I do this part better by myself!!!
• It's nice being in bed with a woman I don't have to inflate!
• This would be more fun with a few more people.
• Your almost as good as my EX.
• Do you know the definition of statutory rape?
• Is that you I smell or is your mattress stuffed with rotten potatoes?
• You look younger than you feel.
• Perhaps your just out of practice.
• You sweat more than a galloping stallion!
• They're not cracker crumbs...it's just a rash.
• Now I know why He/She dumped you
• Does your husband own a sawed-off shotgun? I always ask that beforehand.
• You give me reason to conclude that foreplay is overrated.
• What Tampon????
• Have you ever considered Liposuction?
• And to think....I didn't even have to buy you dinner!
• What are you planning to make for breakfast?
• I have a confession................
• I was so horny tonight, I would have taken a duck home!
• Are those real or am I just behind the times?
• Were you by any chance a repressed child?
• Is that a hanging sculpture?
• You'll still vote for me won't you?
• Did I mention my transsexual operation?
• I really hate women that thinks sex means something.
• Did you cum yet dear?
• I'll tell you who I'm fantasizing if you tell me who your.
• A good plastic surgeon can take care of that in no time.
• Does this count as a date?
• Oprah had a show about women like you.
• Hic!...I need another beer for this please......
• I think biting is romantic, don't you?
• You can cook too, right?
• When would you like to meet my parents?
• Maybe it would help if I thought about someone I really like.
• Have you seen fatal Attraction??
• Sorry about the name tags...I'm really bad with names.
• Don't mind me, I always file my nails in bed.
• (in a phone booth) You mind if I make a few calls?
• I hope I didn't forget to turn the gas oven off....You got a light?
• Don't worry about my dog...He's really nice for a Doberman.
• Sorry, I don't do toes.
• You could at least act like your enjoying it!
• K-Y Jelly or no K-Y Jelly,   I SAID NO!!!!!!!!!!
• Keep it down, My mother is a light sleeper.
• I bet You didn't know I work for the ENQUIRER.
• So that's why they call you Mr. Flash!
• My Ex used to do it a lot longer.
• Is this a sin too???
• Hey?.....When's it gonna be Jeff's turn????
• Long kisses clog my sinuses.
• Please understand, I'm only doing this for a raise.
• How long do you plan on being almost there?
• YOU MEAN YOUR NOT MY BLIND DATE!!!!!!!!

Please e-mail kanderbluff@yahoo.com to add additional sayings not to say in bed.