Law Enforcement Warning

Local law enforcement is warning all lunatic men who frequent clubs, parties and local bars to be alert and be cautious when offered a drink from any woman. Many females use a new date rape drug on the market called "Beer."

The drug BEER, is found in liquid form and is available anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, or from taps and in large "kegs". BEER, combined with female cleavage, forced smiles, hair spray, perfume and tight fitting shorts, is used by female sexual predators at Lunatics Anonymous meetings, which are held in local bars, to persuade their male victims to go home and sleep with them. A woman needs only to get a lunatic male to consume a few units of BEER and then simply ask him home for no strings attached sex. Lunatic men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several BEERS, men will often succumb to the desires to sleep with any women whom they would never normally be attracted. After drinking BEER, men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that "something bad" occurred. At other times these unfortunate lunatic men are swindled out of their life's savings, in a familiar scam known as "a relationship" which often leads to another trap called “engagement” where you will have to spend all of your own  money on a finger ring. In extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer term form of servitude and eternal punishment referred to as "marriage." Lunatic men are much more susceptible to this scam after BEER is administered and sex is offered by the predatory females.

Please! Forward this warning to every lunatic male you know. If you fall victim to this "BEER" scam and the women administering it, there are lunatic male support groups where you can discuss 24/7 the details of your shockingly horrible encounter with similarly victimized men. If you have any leads or other related information to this serious crime please contact Kander Bluff.

Beer Contains Female Hormones

Yesterday, Lunatics Anonymous scientists stated that men should take a look at their beer consumption, considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer.

The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women. To test the finding, 100 men were allowed to consume 24 cans of brand XXXX of beer each, for 12 days. It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, started crying/laughing, argued over nothing, purchased excessive amounts of costly jewelry, stopped working and refused to apologize when right.

No further testing is planned by Lunatics Anonymous at this time.